Steven Seagal: Lawman S1 review

Originally published in Coastal Views magazine June 2011

STEVEN SEAGAL DOCO TV 2009

That’s right…Steven Seagal.
From the Crime and Investigation Network comes this truly classic piece of ‘reality TV’ gold, playing like Cops, but with a slicked back double dose of awesome.
Whether you want to Ripley’s believe it or not, the opening claim of this show is that for 20 years, movie action star Seagal has in fact been moonlighting as a full deputy of Louisiana’s Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office. As a real cop. With a gun. And hand cuffs.
Whichever way you want to view it doesn’t really matter, it’s played for entertainment and here it finds success. How can you go wrong with a camera crew following Nico Toscani and his fellow lawmen around on patrol, riding shotgun in their macho SUV’s? That’s right…you can’t.
But it’s not all cruising the streets of Louisiana, busting unsavoury types with their drugs and their guns, no, there be more to it than that. Fans of the big guy, (and I mean big – it appears that between films he has discovered an enjoyment of cake,) will rejoice in the sequences detailing Seagal teaching a younger officer the finer points of pistol shooting, where we learn Steve is also a master marksman adept at shooting the heads off of matches…
In another episode, we get to join in as Seagal teaches an unarmed combat class, where he guides rookies and veterans alike in the best ways to disarm aggressive and violent offenders in confrontational situations. And he certainly makes it look easy. Careful trying this stuff at home, kids.
It’s not all action and tough guy stuff however, (although there is plenty there, lads,) we also get to see the softer side, the creative side of the man who’s made it an art form to kill someone with household appliances and baking goods. Seagal takes time out to visit children’s hospitals and hand out gifts to sick children, and although it’s a PR gimmick for a lot of celebs, here Seagal looks genuinely compassionate and moved. And it’s hard to knock him for that.
Finally there is insight into Seagal’s first passion, that of blues music, by way of a rare glimpse into his band’s rehearsal session and front row view of the benefit concert they put on for the families of the above mentioned kids. We’re used to seeing him with a Colt .45 or a knife in his hands, but most will be surprised to see him working with equal skill, his blues guitar.
An ego project? Of course. He’s also one of the executive producers of the series. But there are also lessons to be learned. Lessons about doing the right thing, crime and responsibility. If you can get past all the hype and negativity oft thrown up at Seagal, if you can get past his recent string off rubbish movies, then you might be able to get something out of this series. I’m off to buy his blues album now and wait for Season 2. That’s right…Season 2.
****

FAT CHANCE

Originally published in Coastal Views magazine June 2011

Childhood Obesity Epidemic.

That’s been quite the buzz term with our media for awhile now. Childhood Obesity Epidemic.
Epidemic. Makes it sound like some kind of contagion that has been introduced by a diseased monkey, a fat monkey that has infiltrated our borders and is preying on small children, infecting them with an uncontrollable urge to consume cream buns and deep fried chips until their arteries solidify and the elastic on their pants explodes, taking out entire city blocks with them, whilst Dustin Hoffman desperately tries to develop a vaccine to halt the outbreak.

Perhaps my analogies aren’t for everyone, but the point is that getting fat ain’t contagious, folks. Little skinny Tommy isn’t going to stack on forty kilos just because Tubby round the corner cake sneezed on him at lunch time. No, outside of a legitimate medical condition, the only way skinny Tommy is going to lard up is if mum and/ or dad feed him food with low nutritional value and high fat content.
“But our little cherub is such a fussy eater, it’s impossible to get him to eat his vegetables…It’s just easier to give him his chips and sauce.” No. You’re wrong. And a bit weak. Get help from a doctor or a child dietician. The parent is in charge. Final.
“But healthy foods are so expensive…It’s a lot cheaper to get MacDonald’s…” A-Ha! No, not the 80’s band, but an exclamation. This is a fine point. To eat healthily IS more expensive for families for the most part. This is a common excuse and sadly, often a socio -economically valid one.
It will cost, in both money and time, noticeably more to go to the local butcher and buy some proper cuts of meat, rather than processed pre packed stuff from the supermarket shelves. It’ll cost more to buy a range of fruit and vegetables from your local greengrocer and prepare them than it would to simply pop into the pizza joint, takeaway or nearest drive thru.
Money talks, friends and neighbours. Simple as that. We want more tangible goods for our money when we have to hand it over. Why wouldn’t you buy the whole family a bucket of fried chicken, a tub of synthetic gravy and potato extract and some fries instead of a bag of oranges, half a rockmelon, some Brussels sprouts and a head of lettuce? Save money now, get fat and unhealthy later, it seems is the go with us bipeds.
So what to do, then? Supermarket conglomerates and fast food chains rule the world, clearly. They dictate pricing structure. We are powerless to these Great Capitalist Empires…

Or are we? The power is in fact in the purchaser. What we buy dictates to these suits what they provide. Just look at the gluten free aisle in Woolies. It’s happening. The public demanded and the companies saw a market and have started to offer more and more of these products. That’s great, of course, but as always there is a price for everything. All these healthy, or Gluten Free option foods all cost more than their standard mass produced counterparts. Often quite substantially so. It’s the G-String Theory in action. A tiny piece of material costs twice that of its large size alternative. Same with GF foods. Fewer ingredients and additives, but costs more. If you can afford it, you’ll pay. But it’s those families that can’t that suffer.

The balance is out. If the Government wants to really do something about the fat monkey that has slipped past our borders, then it needs to make healthier food the better option. Jack the price of junk food. Make it expensive enough that it’s no longer the easy option. Make it so a consumer would rather head for the produce aisle than the processed one. Junk food is fine in moderation. Have it as a treat, a reward at the end of a week, not as a daily staple.

And hey, you never know, but if some of us do try to buy healthier, it might just be contagious…